fredag 15 juli 2011

"Five minute friday" ... Loss (förlust)

En blogg jag läser har en "upprop" varje fredag. Bloggen  heter the gypsy mama. Man skriver om ett satt ämne i 5 minuter och postar det på sin blogg oredigerat. Sedan länkar man upp sitt inlägg till hennes blogg... 


Eight years ago my mother died … and I didn't mourn her like I felt a daughter is supposed to be able to mourn a mother.
We never saw eye to eye. Not even when I was a little girl. She always made aware of how I was far from fulfilling her expectations. I realized, as the years followed me into young womanhood that I never would be able to. Her expectations w for me to live a life she herself wanted …
When she died I did lose something I was clinging on to though: chances of things getting better.

And then, a few days ago I could finally see that my memories of her weren’t all bad memories.
My youngest son got his driving license. And midst being happy for him I spontaneously wanted to call his gran and tell her about it, knowing how happy she would have been for him. There and then I could, finally, see that if she'd been alive we would still have had the shared love of these boys!

 And the sense of loss turned in to a calm feeling that I can't describe. Maybe my loss has now matured and become … I don't know … a lesson learned?
Now I can afford to miss her...

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